Gone For Far Too Long

I've neglected this blog for far too long. I am sure no one really looks at it anymore, but that's not the point of keeping it. I wanted to be able to share with others, but it doesn't matter if anyone really reads it. However, if you do and it does help, then I am glad I was able to give something to you, in return for your viewing and reading of my blog. :) 

My children are growing up. Ms. L is now 4 and will be 5 very soon. You know what that means? She'll be in kindergarten. Kindergarten! Fells just like yesterday that I was bringing her home from the hospital. It doesn't make sense that time has flown so swiftly!

My son, Mr. R, will be 3 and already is a very smart little boy. I've seen many changes in him. Despite a slight speech delay, he is flourishing. He is remarkable. He is my joy, as is his sister. I have so enjoyed getting to know the both of them and I will enjoy the years to come. 

In September 2011, my boyfriend of 2.5 years finally asked me to marry him and I am happy to report that I said yes! We were married on October 20, 2012. We had a fall themed wedding and I enjoyed myself so much. It was nerve wracking, because I have stage fright and I knew I had to stand up in front of all of my family and friends, saying words of love, out loud, that I'm very secret of. Seriously, I don't just PDA all the time. :) And the you-may-now-kiss-the-bride scene? Yea, quick and we didn't even catch it on camera! There's just something about kissing your partner in front of your PARENTS that's just...not cool. XD But, I had to quickly get over that, because of the first dance. 

Oh yes, I had to be goofy during that first dance or there wasn't going to be one. Everyone was watching me dance. It was like, watching a walrus dance. No kidding. I'm overweight. I should know. Not a pleasant scene. So I proceeded to embarrass the couples who came and made all of them dance with me. Which effectively removed the eyes from me! 

So, why am I now writing this entry after so long? Well, someone told me I should keep going. I like to write. I even have a deviant art account set up with all of my current stories, poems, and a few drawings I've managed to make over the years. I wanted to share that with others and get opinions and maybe even inspire someone else! My inspirations have been J.K. Rowling, J.R.R. Tolkein, and Garth Nix. I enjoy fantasy books and I'm ok with romance.

I followed the Harry Potter craze to its end and am following the Lord of the Rings craze to its end. The Hobbit is a fascinating tale to me. I am happy to have been given the chance to read it. And you should too! I'm serious, but be warned, because you're going to find yourself locked in a world that you can't leave, because you'll want to know anything and everything about it. Trust me. It's happened with Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Avatar the Last Airbender and I've recently stumbled across my husband's favorite cartoons....wait for it.... Superman (how could you not guess!!), Batman, and the Justice League. So, now I must find out even more about those and their histories.

Oh and did I mention that I'm also a sort of self taught crocheter? Yea, I picked that hobby up earlier last year when I was planning my wedding and I needed something to get my mind off of all the crazy that I was dealing with. Seriously. I was so overwhelmed by all the choices I had to make. I'm glad it's a once a time thing. Atleast for me it will be. No chance am I going to try planning another...unless it's a friend's and then I could atleast walk away for a short bit and not feel like I'm being crushed if I do. 

Ah, but now I am rambling and I am sure I've just stuffed your poor eyes full of a year and a half worth of stuff!!!!  And I shall add more details about the wedding as I have neglected to talk about how my husband felt during the whole thing. 

See you later

Blessings,

-Andrea 

My Sister; My Friend

Some days it is just so hard to keep moving forward when all I want is to take 1000 steps backward to tell you so many of the things I didn't get to when you were alive. Everyday I think of who you were and what you would have been had you kicked the a** of that evil called cancer. I don't understand why. Why did it have to be you? Couldn't I have just had more time with you? But I did...I had 22 wonderful years with you and yet I threw them away. I threw away my time with you like it was nothing and treated you like you were nothing- even when I should have known those were the last times I would hear you laugh and see you smile; watching the twinkle spread up into your eyes where there were small creases from your continuous laughter. 

I fought with you so often it's a wonder we ever talked and for awhile....for awhile I know we didn't. Right now I am listening to the thunder and rain outside my apartment, crying and thinking of you. Reba is singing me a ballad from my soul...something I should have sung to you long ago...

You are my sister, were my sister...you are my friend, were my friend...and I miss you so much. I ache every day without you near and close. I ache thinking of all the things I said to you and how cruel they were. Jessi, I miss you so much. The loss of you has left such a hole inside of me I don't know if it will ever heal. I don't know what I am going to do without you. There are days I wake and think about needing to call you, but then I remember Heaven doesn't have a phone...or I remember that you're gone and then my heart sinks and I start to cry. 

Hey girl it's me i just called to tell you hi
Call me when you get this
Haven't talked lately so hard to find the time
Give the boys a big kiss
Tell them that I miss them
By the way I miss you too

I was thinking just today
About how we used to play
Barbie dolls and make-up
Tea parties dress up
I remember how we'd fight
We made up and laughed all night
Wish we were kids again
My sister my friend

Oh yeah before I forget I met someone
I think I really like him
I was wondering if I'm jumping the gun
By going out on a limb
And invite him home for Christmas
To meet the family

Seem like just yesterday
You brought home old what's his name
He had been drinking
What were you thinking
After dinner he passed out
We can laugh about it now
We've learned a lot since then
My sister my friend

Do you think you could come and see me sometime soon
We could just hang out like we used to
It's late and I should go
But I can'y hang up the phone
Until I tell you
What I don't tell you enough
Even though at times it seemed
We were more like enemies
I'd do it all again
My sister my friend  

Even when you were beaten, you were still smiling. You always smiled Jessi! Always. There was hardly a time I didn't see a smile on your face....unless you were dealing with my stupid stubbornness. I am sorry for that. I am sorry for what I did to you and all the things I said. 

I know you're in Heaven and you're looking down on us, but I don't feel any better about any of this-even knowing that. I want to see you again...I miss you... 

I will forever wear orange for you in the hopes that someday there will be a cure. I love you. I will see you again. And I had better see you again, because I'm not taking one foot off this Earth in the end without your picture...if I can't see you again. Because my heart would break even further. It's my only hope. It's what keeps me going- just knowing you are there, waiting for us. I refuse to say goodbye. I will see you later. I will talk to you later. That is a promise. 

Goodnight my sweet sister. I hope you have always...S.H.M.I.L.Y.